Reminds me of this old experience: I had to give up classical music because it made me want to drink absinthe. So I called the operator and asked her to patch me through to the nearest gathering place of The Bible Students. They played a phonograph recording to me that explained how "leviathan" mentioned in Job was the steam engine and how in a perfect world, all black people would turn white, the way it was meant to be. I could see they had the truth. I swiftly dropped the classical music and absinthe. It was the first Christmas I had spent sober in years and I had God's chosen people to thank for it.
Franklin Massey
JoinedPosts by Franklin Massey
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Amazing Awake Experience, Former druggie looks up JWs in the phone book and starts studying
by LostGeneration inno looking up jws on the internet first?
and uses a phone book, who even owns a phone book anymore?.
here is the an "experience" from pg 7 of the august 2011 awake.. my teenage years were a blur of alcohol,.
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Microevolution vs Macroevolution (NOT an evolution vs creation debate)
by pirata ini've heard the distinction between microevolution and macroevolution a lot, especially from intelligent design arguments.
microevolution being defined as changes or adaption within a species, and macroevolution being changes from one species to another.
my impression is that there really is no such meaningfule distinction between macro and micro in the modern scientific sense of evolutionary theory.
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Franklin Massey
Time. Exactly. And I think this is one of the biggest problems with Creationists like the JWs. They have been taught that life as we know it was created in a relatively short window of time as part of a smooth, well planned (read: designed), purposeful process. Compare that notion to what science has discovered to be a multi-billion year process full of choas and drastic failures.
Through the narrow time period of 7,000 years of human history, as the JWs teach, it's hard to imagine both human evolution and large scale speciation. But expand the borders of time and it becomes more reasonable.
Personally, I feel the miracle is not that life was dreamed up and created by an organized Being but rather, that we are even here given the large rate of failure that preceeded us.
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50
Resigned
by Franklin Massey ini finally resigned as an elder.
my conscience wouldn't allow me to continue.
i've battled for years trying to reconcile the fallacies of the wt society with my own personal beliefs.
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Franklin Massey
wasastar, your situation describes the best and most likely scenario that I can imagine right now. I want to maintain peace with the friends in the hall and my JW family. I have flirted with the idea of "going out with a bang" but concluded that it would cause more pain and irreparable damage than it would be worth. I'm not one for drama anyway. I would like to slowly and quietly drift to a low activity state where I'm not burdened by the WT Society and not considered a threat to my friends and family. Although it will still be a balancing act, it is much less a feat when compared to being an elder with an agenda.
CoC, my wife supports my decision. In fact, she is the one who first brought up my resignation as a possible solution. During one of my emotional breakdowns where I wondered how long I could maintain serving while holding so many doubts and issues, she said, "I know you feel like you would be letting people down but I hate seeing you like this...why don't you just step down?" At first I felt like that was accepting defeat. But after giving it serious consideration, I realized that this isn't a win/lose issue. It's not a game, even though I previously thought that I could "play the game." She is very reasonable with me and understands where I stand on JW related issues. That being said, her thinking now is that, despite its imperfections, the JWs are the best organized religion available. She doesn't believe that the Governing Body are divinely blessed, but she does feel that they are trying really hard to take care of the worldwide congregation to the best of their ability. She also isn't as interested in religion and spirituality as much as I am. Where I see glaring faults that I can't let rest, she sees human mistakes that might be corrected later and for now, she just lets it roll off of her back. I wish I could be that laid back about it. But as was mentioned earlier, I can't pretend to not know what I do know.
It is very much a human tendency to avoid having to admit that you were wrong. We look for excuses, reasons and scapegoats to soften the blow of that punch-to-the-gut that is finding out that you were totally wrong about something. I think we learn to avoid that feeling from a young age. Now compound the situation by adding to it that your religion may be wrong. That the way you understand God, death, purpose, morals, etc. could be wrong. It can be heartbreaking and frightening. You and the way you understand life's biggest questions could be wrong. So the mechanisms of self-soothing kick in. In JW world, these methods include, "New Light," "just wait on Jehovah," "we're dealing with imperfect people," "we'll get the complete picture in the paradise," "there must be something wrong with my understanding." It is quite possible to use these lines to bury doubts - and hide from the evidence that counters your beliefs - for your entire life. But for some, including myself, a point is reached where the real truth cannot be avoided. When you get the courage to accept the possibility of being totally wrong, the world opens itself up to you again. You spend less time defending your twisted version of truth and more time embracing the fact there there are very few absolute truths in a universe of countless possiblities. It's a liberating feeling. Unfortunately, that type of freedom of mind is not encouraged within the JW religion.
The question was posed, "Have I lost God's blessing?" If there is a God as humans conceive there to be (yet to be proven), and if that God gives specific blessings to individual humans (again, this has yet to be proven and is very subjective to the individual experience), then I would have to say that no, a seeker of truths has not lost God's blessing. What else could a personal God ask for? I would imagine that a personal God would love a devout Christian Missionary as much as a Buddhist Monk as much as a well-informed Athiest. All three are trying to grasp the unprovable and infinite world of the metaphysical. They all get in to heaven ;)
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10
Microevolution vs Macroevolution (NOT an evolution vs creation debate)
by pirata ini've heard the distinction between microevolution and macroevolution a lot, especially from intelligent design arguments.
microevolution being defined as changes or adaption within a species, and macroevolution being changes from one species to another.
my impression is that there really is no such meaningfule distinction between macro and micro in the modern scientific sense of evolutionary theory.
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Franklin Massey
I'm noticing more and more witnesses willing to accept "micro" but not "macro." Granted, many of these are ill-informed as to what the implications of either really are. These are also the same ones who will use the word "adaptation" but not the word "evolution."
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Public Talk Outlines
by Lady Lee ini have been collecting the public talk outlines.
i have almost all of them but there are a few missing.
i have tiles for some but just numbers for others.
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Franklin Massey
Another thing is with the outlines being limited to 30 minutes now, I can deliver talks that are neutral when it comes to doctrines I no longer believe in.
At first I thought the 15 minute reduction would allow me to continue to give public talks but after a while, just being up on that stage felt wrong to me.
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50
Resigned
by Franklin Massey ini finally resigned as an elder.
my conscience wouldn't allow me to continue.
i've battled for years trying to reconcile the fallacies of the wt society with my own personal beliefs.
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Franklin Massey
Thanks to all for the words of support and encouragement.
Maze, from reading your posts, I see that you think there are "undercover apostates" who are fabricating stories for the benefit of...who knows. You are probably correct in this assumption. As for me, I have remained relatively vague on this site for the sole reason of not being identified by others. At times, I feel like I may have given too many clues as to my age, family status, region, etc. Now that I have stepped down, I'm sure that some sisters and brothers will wonder why. I can't be direct in my response as I could be disfellowshipped for apostasy. I will remain elusive as to my true feelings in the congregation - and also elusive on this board as to my true identity. Also, I'm not even sure what posting my talk outlines would do to prove anything. I'll give you something to chew on though: I have two talks that I have been giving for the last couple of years. My outlines differ greatly from the original outlines provided by the Society because as my conscience troubled me more and more, I had to keep adapting the talks so as not to feel like I was telling the audience things that I myself did not believe. I thought I could maintain that process for long while. However, I reached a point where I could hardly give a talk without feeling like a fraud. The Society requests a certain level of obedience from its elders and I was twisting and bending the rules so much that I no longer felt qualified to be an elder. As I get the sense that you are a bit of a troll, or at the very least, an antagonist, I will not honor you with any more information than what I have just typed and what I have already posted.
williamhahn, I understand your point about the fade vs. a solid stance. I want to take the solid stance but feel that at this time, it would be a selfish course when I consider the negative impact to both my wife's and my families.
dontplaceliterature, You're right. I haven't been on here as much. This board has been therapeutic for me but as I became more serious about stepping down, I thought I should take a break from my constant activity here. It's easy to find people here that will validate a move away from the JWs. I had no shortage of fuel here for my own personal little fire. I took a break because I wanted to be free of influence before I made my official decision. Also, I made this decision a while back, as some of my private message friends know. I didn't want to be too quick to jump on the public board and announce my decision.
Camelot, I'm sorry to hear about the "loss" of your child. This part of the Society's control makes me ill. I am trying to avoid a forced break with my friends and family at all costs. If they think I'm weak or struggling, that's fine, as long as I can still be a part of their lives. For now, I'm willing to stick it out to maintain these loving relationships.
sizemik, your comments about pretending to not know what I do know remind me of some bad advice that a few people have given me when I have expressed doubts or concerns about faulty JW doctrines. They said, "Your just too smart. You think too much. You should just stop thinking about things and be glad to be part of such a wonderful organization. Maybe one day your concerns will be addressed. Just be patient." Is it just me or is that total garbage? JWs boast about their "logical" and "reasonable" approach to helping people learn the "truth." But if I apply logic and reason to a subject and come up with a different answer than what JWs teach - or find a glaring fault in the doctrine - then I'm using my brain too much? It doesn't make sense.
Doubting Bro, the thought of my wife being treated differently kills me. It was a big factor to weigh in my decision making process. I can take the negative treatment (if there is any). But she doesn't deserve it. She has been so patient and loving during this whole process.
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50
Resigned
by Franklin Massey ini finally resigned as an elder.
my conscience wouldn't allow me to continue.
i've battled for years trying to reconcile the fallacies of the wt society with my own personal beliefs.
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Franklin Massey
I made the decision to step down a while back but didn't really know if I wanted to announce it on this public forum or not. Then I read this post:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/210866/1/Another-Elder
It reminded me of why I joined this forum in the first place. There are many JWs with doubts and questions. Due to the high control of information within the Org, many have nowhere to voice their concerns. Although each individual must decide for themselves which course to take, there is something to be said about a shared experience. There is also strength in numbers. If someone is questioning their role in the JW Org, and their search leads them here, I want them to see that many of their sisters, brothers, pioneers, servants and elders have questions and concerns too. That may just give them the edge they need to break free from the mental shackles that bind so many in the Org. Each person deserves to know the whole truth. What they decide to do with what they learn is up to them.
I would also like to acknowledge those who called me out as a hypocrite when I first joined the board. I thought I could stay in a high role of service and somehow be a source of balance and refreshment to those who were being weighed down by the pressures of conformity and never-ending increased service to the Org. That plan wore me out quickly and caused more mental and emotional turmoil than it was worth. In retrospect, I feel like I wanted to use the "power" of my position for some sort of good. But it was hypocritical to pose as one thing while secretly harboring my own plans behind the scenes. That brings no good to anyone. So for those who felt that I was living a lie and should step down...I was...and I did.
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50
Resigned
by Franklin Massey ini finally resigned as an elder.
my conscience wouldn't allow me to continue.
i've battled for years trying to reconcile the fallacies of the wt society with my own personal beliefs.
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Franklin Massey
I am treading very carefully when it comes to discussing my personal beliefs among the JWs. There are a select few people that I can speak to on a very select (read: small - and varying depending on each person's pet subjects) number of topics.
That being said, the Org is full of people who see the hypocrisy/flip-flopping/inconsistency/silliness of at least a couple of JW teachings. I have heard so many people remark on how ridiculous the recent anti-Vampire campaign has been. Also, many feel that the Society is being too hardline on education and other secular pursuits that are personal matters. The passion with which the WT is attacking trivial/conscience matters has become a bit of a joke among the followers. Many long-time JWs are also letting up on the idea of a rapidly impending, "It's right around the corner - nay, WE'VE TURNED THE CORNER!!!" doom and gloom story that is Armageddon. I had a sister tell me on Sunday that the failed Harold Camping May 21st rapture debacle is reminiscent of some old JW failed Armageddon hype. But that old Catholic, whoops, JW guilt kicked in and she concluded by adding, "Of course, we wouldn't set an exact date..."
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50
Resigned
by Franklin Massey ini finally resigned as an elder.
my conscience wouldn't allow me to continue.
i've battled for years trying to reconcile the fallacies of the wt society with my own personal beliefs.
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Franklin Massey
I finally resigned as an elder. My conscience wouldn't allow me to continue. I've battled for years trying to reconcile the fallacies of the WT Society with my own personal beliefs. I followed the Society's formula for those with doubts: Pray, study, meditate, service, meetings, "priveleges," repeat. Their plan backfired.
The more I prayed for God to help, the more I realized how childish and selfish my requests of (and belief in) a personal Father-like God who has chosen JWs as his special property were.
The more I poured myself into study, the more problems I found with WT doctrine.
The more I meditated, the more the mind control of the WT began to lose its hold on me.
The more I went in service, the more my conscience bothered me. How could I try to convert people to a religion that I don't even believe in?
The more I payed attention to meetings, assemblies, and conventions, the more I became troubled by the heavy persuasive tactics used to keep the followers in line.
The more responsibilities I took on in the congregation, the greater the distance became between me and the people I love the most. I was really just trying to keep myself busy as a distraction from the real issues I was having with my faith.
I can honestly say that, in trying to resolve my issues, I did things by the book, at least in the way the Society has set out for appointed men. I am a born-in with lots of family and friends in the Org. I wanted everything I believed as a JW to be right. But I was wrong and I had to face it. I am drastically reducing the amount of time and energy I put toward the Org. I don't know where I'll end up in relation to JWs but as for now, I'm heading toward a low activity/partial fade status.
Oh, and I am happier now than I have been in years.
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Franklin Massey
Welcome. We share a similar story.